Nimene learns to play an artificially intelligent piano (Zach Reino). Featuring two new stories: “SoConfusing.com,” a story about the weirdest website you’ve ever been to, written by Eliana, a 10 year old from New Hampshire, and “Baby Slither Gets Creeped,” a story about a snake who learns to confront their fear of getting creeped, written by a 6 year old from Idaho named Andy.
Scroll down for the original stories behind the episode!
Illustration by Camila Franklin
SoConfusing.com
by Eliana, age 10, New Hampshire
I am so bored. Are you so bored? Why yes I am. Then you should go to Confused.com. 5 hours later... Honey I'm home what are you doing on your computer? I'm on Confused.com. What's that? The hippo rides at 12:00. What I'm confused. Exactly. Now I'm even more confused. Even better! Okay.. WAIT does it cost money? Well not exactly... What do you mean? Well you have to pay 100. DOLLARS!?!? No no rats. 100 rats? Yes. Why? So they can donate them to the rat charity of course! Ok? Where do you get the 100 rats The turtle. Ok? Where does the turtle live? In the sewers. Wait why does the turtle have 100 rats? He has them because he feeds them. Cheese? No pumpkins. Ok.... Wait what does the charity do with them? They give them little motorcycles except... What now? Alexander Hamilton the rat who robbed a pumpkin bank and isn't aloud to have a motorcycle. Wait Alexander Hamilton as in... You know what never mind can I get it on this? Of course! And they scrolled on the website happily confused ever after.
THE END
Baby Slither Gets Creeped
by Andy, age 6, Idaho
There was a little baby snake named Slither that had a big head with an orange spotted tail. He went camping in the forest of doom with his parents. This was their family trip that he loved to go on. He grabbed a snack and went to his tent. His parents suddenly disappeared. It became night time and the parents were still gone. He was creeped out! Then he heard a sound that made him scared. He poked his big head out, but kept his orange spotted body in the tent. He saw something grabbing a pine cone out of the tree. The thing said hello. He was actually a friendly monster! “My name is Gary” said the friendly monster, but he went back to his cave because the sun was coming out. He was a night monster. He liked to come out only at night. Slither’s parents finally came back. Slither wrapped around his parents to give them a hug. He told them he had met a big friendly monster.
Roll Call Stories
Everything With Feet
by Haley, age 9, Hungary
(CRASH) (CRASH)
Johnny’s Mom: Johnny! Stop breaking all the bowls! If you want cereal then get it with your plate I mean hands!
Johnny: But mom!
JM: No buts!
J: But!
JM: JOHNNY!
J: Okay Mom.
JM: Johnny you need to stop doing everything with your feet! Now get in the car or you will be late for school.
J: Okay. And I’m at school. Hey Aaron lets play tag!
A: Good idea!
J: OK I’m it 3,2,1, go! gocha!
A: Eww! Get your feet off of me!
J: But I’m doing everything with my feet.
A: But why?
J: I don’t know, because if I break all the plates and bowls and stuff I would not need to do the dishes.
A: Oh Johnny!
J: What? Try it!
A: Okay! (six hours later) Hey Mom! Johnny is doing everything with his feet and he told me to do the same, so I’m gonna do my homework with my feet!
(next day)
JM: Johnny, your teacher said you got an F for your homework! You need to stop doing everything with your feet!
J: Yes Mom!
AM: Aaron you got an F for homework! You need to do a better job!
A: Yes Mom!
(crash) (crash)
AM: Aaron you are gonna stop doing everything with your feet at this instant! Sisi is still a baby and you know that! All the little glass pieces are on the floor and he could cut himself!
(next day at school)
A: Hi Johnny, I can't do everything with my feet.
(five years later)
J: Well Aaron we’re in high school and I’m still doing everything with my feet.
A: Wow, really?
J: Yes!
Teacher: Okay class open your math books on page one.
Marko: Ugh, I hate school!
T: Well, that's too bad.
A: Ya, Marko that's too bad!
T: Aaron!
A: Ok, Teacher.
T: Johnny what's your feet doing on the table, use your hands. Where are your manners?
(next day at school)
T: Okay class we’re gonna have a math quiz.
J: Man! It’s hard to write with my feet but whatever.
T: Johnny, write with your hand and not your feet!
J: I’m gonna pretend I didn't hear that. Ok I’m done with my quiz! I just hope it’s an A!
(next day)
T: Okay, Marko got an A
Aaron got an A
Johnny got an F
David got a D
Chris got a C
Lisa got an A
Hannah got an A
Alice got an A
Amy got an F
Haley got an A
J: Aaron, how did you get an A?
A: Well how did you get an F?
J: I don’t know.
A: Well I got an A because I didn’t do it with my feet. And I also studied.
J: Well I don’t care about my grades anyway.
T: Ok time to go home!
J: Finally!
Hey Mom! We wrote a quiz!
JM: Well what grade did you get?
J: Umm… I got an A!
JM: Oh wait, somebody wrote something. Look, it’s your teacher! Wait a second she said you
You got an F!
J: Oh! I think she mixed it up with Amy's grade.
JM: Oh, ok then I’m gonna write to your teacher to let her know she accidentally mixed your grades up.
J: Uh oh…
JM: Hey, she said you did get an F!
J: But I did get an A! She is mixing my grade and Amy’s grade up!
JM: Then I’m gonna go to the school and talk to your teacher.
( door opening )
JM: Bye! You can do your homework while I’m gone!
J: Ok!
( door closing )
J: Yes! Mom left her phome I mean phone here!
Ok I’m gonna write to the teacher, and she will think I’m mom… how do you do this with your feet… ok ok let’s see here… Mrs Glass, Johnny got an A, Amy got an F, and sen-
( crash )
Oops. looks like I broke her phome I mean phone! Well I guess it goes in the trash.
( door opening )
JM: I’m home!
( door closing )
JM: Hey, my phone was on the table and I can’t find it anywhere now.
Dear, can you call me so I can hear where it’s ringing?
Johnny’s Dad: Sure!
J: Great, I’m in big trouble.
( Ring, ring,ring,ring )
JM: Hey.. it’s coming from the trash can! There it is! And it's BROKEN!
JOHNNY!
J: The end!
JM: Oh no it’s not the end!
You're grounded, you need to pay for my new phone! And it needs to be a Samsung.
J: But Mom! I get 3 dollars every month!
JM: Well that’s too bad! My phone was 150 dollars so that means it will take you ( Mom counting ) four years but if you also spend some of it, it will probably take eight years to get the money.
J: NO!
THE END!
The Day the Baby was My Substitute Teacher
by Holden and Theodore, age 9, Washington
Chapter 1
__________________________________________________
It was just an ordinary day until school started. When I walked in there was nothing unusual except that Ms. Tanner was not in the room. At first I thought oh, she might be slightly late but then I thought after 5 minutes she wasn't there so I thought do we have a substitute and then I heard him! Goo-goo gaga it was the cutest baby ever ( AKA my baby brother) he was so adorable then the question when we saw that he was carrying a mug that said number one teacher let's go! The class burst into chaos!
“A baby teacher? In charge of 25 4th grade students? This can’t be right,” I said. “Especially the cutest baby ever (AKA my baby brother). And who gave him coffee?!”
Just then, Ms. Kangas, our principal, walked in and said, “Attention, 4th grade. Ms. Tanner will have a sub today, but it’s a very busy day and all of our usual subs are busy. We had to get a little, uh, creative. Meet August Hamilton.”
Suddenly, my brother piped up and said, “That’s Mr. August Hamilton to you, kids.” Gaven looked at me and said, “Is that your brother?” Before any more chaos could erupt, I decided to take matters into my own hands. So I canceled school.
August, I mean Mr. Hamilton, toddled over to the door. He was blocking it! He didn’t allow me, or anyone else for that matter, to leave! Who did this baby substitute teacher think that he was? I’m 8 years older than he is, for goodness sakes. I could just step over him. But he wasn’t having it. He was in charge, and he knew it.
“Sock!” Sock? Why was he saying sock? Then I looked down. He’d taken off his socks and shoes! What did the principal think she was doing letting a toddler tell us what to do when he couldn’t even keep his own shoes on in school? That’s a basic rule in school. You have to wear shoes and socks. This day was turning into the wildest day I’d ever had. I had to make sure things got back on track.
Suddenly, an idea struck me. I ran to my backpack and pulled out my lunch box. I found a pouch and dangled it in the air. “August,” I called. “Pouch!”
August walked over to me. I laid the pouch on the ground to eat while the rest of the class snuck past him and the principal. We were already in the Orca Pod when I heard, “Goo goo, gaga!”
He was back! “Quick!” I yelled. “Everybody, split up!”
Kids ran in all directions, but something went wrong. August had a tracker that showed him where all of us were! “Where did he get that?” I wondered. Ms. Tanner had a tracker but she was home sick. Did August steal it from Ms. Tanner’s house? How was this baby so sneaky?
Chapter 2
____________________________________________________
I ran with EJ and Gaven outside to the forest. Meanwhile, August decided to follow another group of kids to the lunchroom. There, he saw one of his favorite foods: oranges. At the sight of hundreds of oranges, he forgot to follow the students and instead, went right for the food. Sneaking past him was going to be a piece of cake, like stealing candy from a baby! Maybe that’s not the right expression to use here, though, because this baby was really smart.
The 4th graders began quietly tiptoeing past August and his mountain of oranges, when suddenly, one of them slipped! The floor was covered in orange juice. August turned around. He figured out what those 4th graders were up to. He grabbed a bag and stuffed it full of oranges, determined not to let them leave his sight. Then he zipped up the backpack. The 4th graders were starting to get hungry. As they slipped and slid their way out of the lunchroom, they grabbed some of the red apples and 10 slices of pizza. Then, they headed outside and onto the playground.
Meanwhile, the substitute, August Hamilton, the cutest baby ever (AKA my baby brother), had made his way to the parking lot, where he climbed into a grandma’s car. The 1st graders, who were at recess, thought this was hilarious, so they climbed onto the top and started hood surfing! August laughed and laughed, but then remembered that he had some 4th graders to teach. So he left the grandma to deal with the hood surfing 1st graders and went back to the classroom, where he hatched his plan.
Once he was in the classroom, he opened up a bottle of Squizza, which is just pizza bottled up in a tube. He squirted it into the air vents and out the windows and suddenly the school was filled with the aroma of the best-smelling pizza you could imagine. Now everybody knows pizza is irresistible to a kid, but most especially to a 4th grader, if it’s good pizza. The thing about Squizza is that it smells so tantalizing, so amazing, that it was sure to bring back every last one of those 4th graders, plus a few kindergartners. Within minutes, eleven 4th graders had walked at a very fast pace to return to the classroom. Seeing the substitute, August, the cutest baby ever (AKA my baby brother), they realized he’d outsmarted them. They sat in their seats as he said, “Cal-way oohm qua-qua.” One of the 4th graders translated. It meant, “You get Squizza and a cookie for coming here.” So they sat down (with their Squizza and a cookie) and started working on some typical 4th grade assignments: college-level prep tests in long division and dividing fractions. With the first group of students under control, August walked out of the room and locked it from the outside. He’d learned his lesson and wasn’t going to let those kids leave again. Determined to get the rest of the students, he turned around and headed for the playground, where he’d last seen the first group of 4th grade students.
Chapter 3
____________________________________________________
He checked his tracker and saw that they had left the playground and headed to the forest. Realizing the forest was wide and big, too wide and big to explore on his own, August knew he needed to climb a tree to get a better view. But since he is only about 2 feet tall, he couldn’t. That’s when the McMurray Field Eagle and the Recess Bird came to the rescue. Lifting his arms straight up in the air, the eagle and bird each grabbed one of his hands and began flying while August dangled below. They flew him over the tops of the trees, when he spied the remaining 4th graders huddled in a clearing at the opposite end of the forest.
“A la DADA GA!” August yelled. The kids looked up and realized they were in trouble. August had found them. They split up with one group heading for the gym, another for the art room, and the last group went to the Spanish classroom. Using his tracker, August guided the bird and eagle to drop him off outside the art room. “A ma sta mistayah!” he yelled, which the eagle and bird knew meant, “Thank you!”
Chapter 4
____________________________________________________
In the Spanish room, three 4th graders huddled beneath a table: Vivian, Isley, and Jackie. They had to admit this was the first time a baby had outwitted them. They could hear small feet padding out in the hallway. “Gaga-gaga-gaga,” they heard. The 4th graders trembled. Vivian said, “I think we’re done for.” As August entered.
“Te veo, Vivian. Te veo, Isley. Te veo, Jacque.”
“Di–did the baby just speak to us in Spa-spa-Spanish?” Jackie stuttered.
“Sí, mis estudiantes. ¡Ahora, vamos!” Defeated (and somewhat amazed) the students trudged back to the classroom. “I can’t believe we got captured by a baby,” Isley groaned. “Yeah, you have to hand it to him, though. He speaks pretty good Spanish and he can use that tracker like an adult. We should probably get back to class anyway.” To help out August (he was getting pretty tired), the girls took turns giving him a piggyback ride. Once they were back in the classroom, they also got pizza and cookies and started working on that classwork Ms. Tanner had left: college-level prep tests in long division and dividing fractions. With more of the students back, August left to find the remaining 4th graders. “Dee-dor!” August yelled. “Dee-dor! Dee-dor!” Theodore turned around.
I couldn’t believe how bananas this day was getting. Now August had found my other brother, Theodore.
When Theodore saw his little brother coming around the corner, he said, “August? What are you doing here today?” Ms. McCoy wanted to know who one of her kindergarteners was talking to, so she leaned her head out of the classroom. Sure enough, there was August, the cutest baby ever (AKA my baby brother), and he’d made it to the kindergarten hallway.
Ms. McCoy told the class she needed to check on the baby in the hallway. She looked left and right, but there were no parents to be found. Then August showed her his tracker, and she realized he was a substitute teacher for the day. She gave him the secret handshake that teachers give each other and let him be on his way, but not before Theodore gave him a kiss and blew a raspberry on his stomach.
Chapter 5
____________________________________________________
Meanwhile, the kids in the gym had gotten tired of waiting and just decided if they were going to have to do math one way or another, they might as well just get it over with. Five more students had rejoined the class and were diligently, if somewhat dejectedly, doing college-level prep tests in long division and dividing fractions. Left with only the kids in the art room to round up, August toddled as fast as his little legs could carry him.
I’d told my friends to stay quiet, and so far, we had done a good job of laying low in the art room. Then, we heard a voice say, “Mama?” and we knew who it was.
The tables had been pushed to the side of the room the way Ms. Brenno does when she wants to conserve space. We’d set ourselves up behind them and booby trapped the entrance to the classroom with trays of red finger paint. August entered and, just as we’d planned, he got completely sidetracked with the paint on his feet and hands. Making a piece of art that only a mother could love, August contentedly made art until he heard EJ sneeze.
“Ahhhhh-CHOOOOOOOOOOO!”
EJ was covered in purple glitter from head to toe. Gaven and Holden looked at him. “Sorry,” he said as he shrugged. “I knocked it over while I was trying to get these pipe cleaners off my clothes.”
As he pulled the pipe cleaners off, he knocked over a bucket of glue, which covered Gaven, Aaron and I. August ran over and gleefully yelled, “Fea-fer!”
We looked at one another and realized something. August Hamilton, the cutest baby ever (AKA my baby brother), had outsmarted an entire class of 4th graders. Defeated, we began the long walk back to the classroom.
Right as we were walking past the Orca Pod, a bell rang. Suddenly, Theodore passed us. “It’s early dismissal,” he yelled, skipping with the other kindergartners. In the craziness of the day, I’d totally forgotten. We were getting out early! I joined Theodore and we bolted out the doors, but not before picking up August Hamilton, the cutest baby ever (AKA my baby brother) as he squealed, “Ga-ga-bah-bah-BAH!”
Stuck!
by Kate, age 10, Australia
Imagine if you were stuck to your bestie, that wouldn't be so bad, but what if you were stuck to your annoying little sibling. Or worse your arch nemesis or even your greatest enemy. I, Susan Samantha Jones have been stuck to my greatest foe for eleven ferociously long weeks! We've been stuck like sticky glue for ages. Literally! The person I was stuck to is Penny Perfect, the pink know-it-all.
It all started on the last day of Year 5. I remember it so vividly. We were putting final touches on our Christmas art. All I had to do now was superglue the last sequin on. The glue was spilling out quite quickly when I heard a a sudden bratty voice, in fright I jumped and glue sprayed all over Penny Perfect. She rushed to the bathroom to clean up and I rushed after her to apologise. When she turned around, we banged together where she had glue. We were STUCK! And to make matters worse every single glue removing shop and factory was closed!
We had to do everything together during that break. After 10 excruciating weeks, I realised we had glue remover in the bathroom!!
I ran to my house as fast as lightning. Well not that fast as Perfect Penny was being dragged along the ground. I opened the red, wooden front door through the white corridor with the blue lights and stone cold tiles to the small crowded bathroom. I grabbed it out of the cupboard and applied it oh so carefully. We were free!
At Last!
After all of that I wish I remembered what the contents of the bathroom cupboard was. So the moral of the story is......Your bathroom cupboard is the key to existence.
So always remember to check your bathroom cupboard!
